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It just feels right posting this be here..(richard) [05 Apr 2015|10:10pm]
I know I haven't written on here in like forever but I feel like I need to write this here.. So I can have it all in one spot still.

Mentioned it on facebook so it well be on my timehop forever.

Its funny how things were back then and how things are Now. I can't even stomach reading some of my earliest posts especially about this person. Because I know one friend once told me it just felt weird reading them and yet enjoyed it at the same time I think.

Alright let me get this over with. And instead of dragging this on and on.

Dad spotted him first..saying look over there in green. So I looked and the I he was. In the flesh whom I haven't seen for 9 years ( yes I went back to the exact date to see.. That's why I can't seem to read that entry..makes my heart hurt). Bottom line the end of service he came up from behind and we hugged and he just said Happy Easter Steve.. And then left..

To tell you the truth more questions but I am glad that I saw him because I've been wondering more about him in the back of my mind recently or this past year..

Another bottom line is I'm glad that God has sent him to me..and I can see that he is okay in person.. After all these near misses the last couple of years just Drove me crazy.. So im glad that it happened.

The question is.. Does he even know my real name.. Haha..
2 comments| [Comments]

Life [10 Dec 2008|08:29pm]
[ mood | sore ]

My life has been going pretty well...considering today...while i was at church working with MOPS..I slipped down the stairs. Im alright im just a little sore..and im pretty dumb like But things are going good.

I had an interview the other day at Cottonwood Elementary as a para so hopefully I'll hear some good news from them..either full time of part time is always a good thing. At least Im getting out there and doing yah.

The YMCA is goign good also. We have a new site director which im still trying to get used too shes been there for a month now and its still strange to see someone else other than Ms. Courtney there, but its sometimes a good change that we really needed. The kids get to see Ms. Courtney on Friday shes coming to visit so we will see how she reacts to everything and all the changes we have made to her program..that she had for 3 months. They are good changes. Im now working full time over at Blue River Elementary School. So im soo happy about that. Just going to one school and not two saves a lot of money and gas.

I thought about Richard a couple of weeks ago. I had the same dream literally that I have had in the past since he left. We had met ..I ran to him and we hugged each other tightly and never want to let go. Its been probably a couple of weeks hopefully it wont happen again or else I'll be forced to email him to say hi. It wasnt a good thing that I have I dont know what you call her to him..but a relative aka Sarah Arnott.. I saw a picture of Richard from pictures from I got to see a new picture of him so thats what triggered it.

In other news I got a new haircut still getting used to it even though its the same length I've done before..a bob hair cut right at the its really cute, but since my hair was really long I keep on wanting to go further down the hair, but it stops. But its cute..and everyone seems to like it..

I emailed Dan a couple of weeks ago..because of another dream I had of if I dream about you either i email you or do I emailed Dan a couple of days ago and he writtened back just today, but im gonna wait until a rainy day to open just dont know im anxious that I got one from him and yet scared enough not to open it..its stange..

Okay i think thats everything..except I slipped and slid the other day on ice it was kind of fun and scary at the same time!

Hopefully i dont get sick though..thats all I need..but if I get sick its the weekend.

1 comment| [Comments]

[12 Oct 2008|09:26pm]
So I need to update this thing every now and then huh?  Well things have been going well with me.  i have a new car if you havent heard yet.  A 2003 Ford Escort I like it...its been good to me this past month. So we will see how long this one will last. huh..

Guri, Sammy, Erik and Gabriel came to visit us not so long ago.  IT was good seeing Guri again and actually coming face to face with Sammy..whom I've heard soo much about.  Gabby is looking cute as ever and Erik is looking the same as he did before but older.  I will get pictures up as soon as my mom decides to develop some pictures!!

  The job thing is going good.   Im working now at Blue River Elementary school every day except for Tuesday and Thursdays afternoons.  And on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons Im working at Valley Park.  But im good.  The only thing that sucks about the job is the training you have to go too..Im down one and need two more.  So I have to sign up for them with my parents.  I get paid to go down-town for them and back now so mileage is good.  Im gonna figure that out tomorrow night so I can turn it in to Leslie.  I worked at my first no-school day and let me tell you it was hectic because like three schools feeds into one for this day and it was 60 kids total!  To take it the right way I survived..

Other than that nothing is really changed.  Im doing a project for my dad which Im totally procrasinating..but Im doing it little by little.

The Moral of the story is.... [26 Aug 2008|10:35am]
[ mood | calm ]

well a little update for you all.  Lukas had surgery on the 8th of August hip surgery,,but he's doing as well as he is expected too even though some of us have to actually take the toll on his pain.  He's taking medicine like every four-six hours depending on his pain tolerance.  He's not in school right now because he cant really fully sit up were gonna have to wait it out..for at least a couple of more weeks unitl he goes back.

Kyle and Dewey are in the same school again.  What amazes me is that Kyle is a!  Yes he's taller than I am but i just cant believe he's a freshman..and dewey is a junior! Gives me the creeps when Alison first came over for a birthday party in 6th grade and when they met dewey he did the bird and he spit on her..those were the days! lol..

well still job searching for a para-professional in the school district of Blue Valley..not going very well..but had a couple of interviews but i guess they iddnt like im still stuck..

I gotta go find a new car...cause I kind of totalled my car in a somewhat major accident with minor injuries..dont worry all is well..i walked away from it but sadly enough my car didnt.  So I gotta go shopping again for a new car.  Wasnt even a freakin year when I got it would have been a year on my dad's birthday which is in Feb. But alas it didnt make it.  but im alright..All I have is some weird lookin glasses that kind of broke and I need to get new ones but were gonna do an eye exam sometime I dunno when..but the glasses that got almost broken will have to suffice for now.  I can still see them.  I had a bruised left arm where my arm evidently hit the side of the door or something. So my elbow is all scratched...i have a mark too on the left side of my neck that goes down like a seat-belt which is fading nicely..and also had some cuts on my face..but those i dont see anymore so thats good.. So im healing nicely after that horrifc crash.and i walked away from it so thats a good thing.  so umm...the moral of this story is to attention to the road and dont look at anything! 

Dan is doing good..he's still working and yet wanting to take a break..he emailed me on the day of the accident last tuesday so after i got on  the computer and checked my email I was very see definitely made my day because I didnt have ot say or do anything to get was totally yah.  Lets see emailed Richard yah Speaking of emails I added another email to my list of emails..I decided on it last night to do another email for work purporses(so it actually says my name rather than having an email that reads "qtpiealikim") But I will still have my hotmail email..but yah..

Other than what I wrote doing!!


Weddings & Floods [17 Jun 2008|11:12pm]
If you haven't heard yet.  There has been lots of flooding in the state of Iowa.  My mom and I went up there this past week to spend time with my grandma.  Its the baddest flood in 500 years!!    Despite all the devastation that has occurred and all the water we still had a wedding at the end of the week.  Surprisingly it didnt rain that day.  Because it rained most of the week.  Water water everywhere.  Kayla and Cole's house basements got flooded in their new house that they bought.  My cousins Brandons did the same thing.  Aunts and Uncles basements also. The waters are so bad that they had on one of the streets a 100-mile detour..which kind of stinks when your wantign to be somewhere fast.  I hear its kind of gotten worse but i havent heard the news or anything because to tell you the truth it kind of gotten boring watching the t.v. on about the floods of 2008 all week..when I got back to KS I havent watched or heard anything.  My friend Misty just ent to a website or something because she asked me about them and i told her "why dont you look it up yourself" and she did and her answer was its worse in most places.  When we were up there Cedar Rapids was evacuated...New Hartford was evacuated and some of Waterloo and some North of Cedar Falls..on the North end of the Cedar yah..

But despite the waters..despite the crazyness we had a beautiful wedding.  Kayla finally married her long term boyfriend Cole.  They've been dating FOREVER i would say..all I know is at the reception they had a video of them that Kayla made and it had him and she at 6 proms!!!  A record!! lol..  But it was a beautiful wedding.  Her colors were of and hot pink. .  We were worried about the reception hall being flooded but it wasn't.  Yes the water was still high but it wasn't as high as it was a couple of days before the wedding.  The wedding day itself was a nice sunny day..beautiful with just one was beautiful..

Congrats and Goodbyes.. [28 May 2008|12:24am]
[ mood | calm ]

Well even though I said goodbye to him officially in March this time..meaning today was for good.  I won't have anything or anyone to go back with me to see him.  But I am good. I think cause I've known it would happen.  Well goodbye Banker forever..goodbye to Mr. Jensen and Mrs. Robinson..their retiring this year..i would say finally cause Banker has been there since Josh was in Middle school...and that was what...he's count the years since 8th grade..  Congratulations to Kyle!  I love you baby finally did it my friend!  Passed 8th grade..through with BVMS!!!!!  We are done!  I told KK this in March in Kyle's last game that this is it..I wont have to ever come back...unless i feel the urge to see him again..which I probably will..and now that I got the DL nothings really stopping me for going after school and stuff.  But officially its time to let go and be on with my life...

I remember when we were in 8th grade.  God it seemed so long ago.  We were suppose to go to this huge ceremony once we were seniors and dig up a time-capsule type thing(since we were the first ones in BVMS that went to the new school...) but I guess they have forgotten about it.  I know we as a senior class of 2003 we didnt forget..cause as we walked back from Kemper Arena into freedom...we all thought the same thing..."weren't we suppose to have a party or soemthing at the middle school to represent us..or soemthing like that..a little get together to show us that we were the first 8th graders there...the first full group..I guess that was a lie..

I told my dad..this..while I was sitting watching the graduation part of the morning.  I dont remember this or that.  Meaning I dont remember a baby slideshow showing us as babies as we are now..I think that would have been cooler than a book full of memories and what we wanted in the future.  What we got was just a book of memories and tips for the future cardinals.  They also did a walk through.  Meaning everyone got to walk across the gym and shake hands with the teachers and things.  Never did that! I told my dad that..I was like I dont recall this at all at my graduation...we never walked.  All I remember was we ate..we did the time capsule..we heard Lillie saying something about "look at the lights" and other such things.  We sang a song and that was mainly it.  We filled a time capsule up that we will probably never open...

Ahh..but we did have the advantages..they never went to the Royals Home-Opener like we did and they didnt go to W.O.F. because apparently its illegal now for them to do that.  So what was there fun day?  Oh boy a afternoon at the and being outside..that was there fun!!  Im assuming kyle had fun but who knows...They had a farewell dance that I had to bring Kyle back from..memories just flooded through my mind back then..hope he had a good night dancing!

Driving is going good.  I havent really done much driving...but just basically running little errands for mom and dad with Kyle driving home or something like that half of the time...since Im not really good at driving in the dark...

PS. Actually my cousin Trevor might be starting there in the fall...unless he goes somewhere else but he does live close to BVMS who knows 3 years from now..I might be saying hi to KK again...and a couple of years after if they still live here...I would say hi to him!!


Finally!!! [20 May 2008|11:17pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

yay Im happy..I finally did it!!  Today started out badly..but i did it!!  I had an easy pereson to go too and I explained my situation that probably sent me more brownie points but I did it!!  I finally got it..I got my Drivers license FINALLY!! im just gonna drive around here for a little while and then venture out because my biggest fear now is driving on my mom suggested to drive around familiar places like around here for a little yah totally excited!!!!!!!


Just thinking and Dans Email... [18 May 2008|11:01pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

Since I feel like I've been pulled by strings and all sorts of fun things today...orfor the past decided i needed some happy thoughts.
Today somehow someway though during church I thought about Richard.  God I havent thought about him in soo long its just crazy.  I dont even know how it came out or why..I always think about him but its always in the back of my mind.  However today it was just the focus of my thoughts today..who knows why.  He was in the forefront of my  I saw Extreme Home-maker Edition today the season finale.  They went to New Orleans to end their 50 state thingy and they ended the season in new Orleans and the people who got effected by Hurricane Katrina two years ago..  I can tell you right now that brought back some memories of my time in new Orleans not what how many years of 7..I dunno..

im gonna be lazy and copy and paste a conversation or a message that I wrote to my friend Misty a couple of weeks ago or was it last week..either time goes by soo slow or else it speeds up...without you thinking about it..

Dude since we have been playing! I gotta share this with ya i might post this on LJ so its gonna be a record so I dont have to type it all over you know im lazy like yah be prepared for this to be on!!

Anyways like i said I dreamt about DD last night..well I actually dreamt of him first and then after that I dreamt about walking down my gravel road with alex that is next to our house and all of a sudden our neighbors was everyone we knew from church and stuff like saw everyone that I knew.. Isaw the Currans in one house and we walked further and i recognized a lot of other people..and then it came to the house of the Krause's and I saw the McCroskeys and Mike and with little Lucas and Sarah was PG! We just hung out and everything..lmao!

Anyways you wanna know bout the dream right? Yes..the DD dream..god i have to tell him the reason why i call him that when I know the full reason I started calling him that cause its very unclear. to me on You know i told you that I usually dream bout DD breaking up with me..or ignoring me..or not paying attention to me and that kind of stuff..ya know..that my sub-conscious knows that I need to move on from DD and choose someone else? RIght? Do you remember that? lol..


we basically got to hang out with one laiughed we cried..we cuddled we remember if we kissed but dude it was totally different than my other dreams about him..sorry for the lack of details I should have told you this when I woke up when it was fresh in my it felt soo good..dremaing about him and not having him pull away from me or ignoring me or each was a happy maybe I need to email DD nd said i finally had a happy dream about you haha!!! I think i

Anyways yah i know not much of a dream thing but i thought it was abig deal lmao..and I just regret not telling you earlier cause you know how much I love details about the dreams..lmao! But just to tell you nothing "bad" happened it was all good and fun..

so that was the message about the dream i had of Dan a couple of days ago...and when I dream about certain people I usually email or contact them.  But I havent contacted Dan about it yet just because I already wrote him an email for May. I usually write him every couple of months yah..

Makes me think..about what he is telling me is true..oh I know that the family part is true and all of that good stuff but that first paragraph..just wondering if he is telling me the truth.  But one will never know.  I guess I need  to trust in him that he is telling me the truth and so I think I do..and  Im a sucker for it..for the most part.  Im still usually on AIM on my phone at night just to hear if he comes on or signs off..I do admit that...but its just a habit..a really really bad habit.  Dan is a bad habit and yet a good one.

I want to write soo much more but im tired and when I get tired I usually ramble on and on but I will save that for some other time..cause im sure my mind will wanna wonder sometimes.  It usually happens when im off and everything is quiet and before i fall asleep I usually say my prayers or whatever and get on YIM to say goodnight to misty and then get on AIM...and if I see Dan on there i usually smile to myself and lay down and talk to myself or to god or whatever ya wanna call it..if I dont see him on i go to sleep..and it doesnt effect me badly if he's not on cause during the middle of the night usually I hear his sign off I smile.. i better close with what I have below or this will be a long drawn out and pointless entry...

Anyways  this weekend my sisters and  I had a garage sale on Saturday..but things werent wasnt a huge hit like we were expecting..but was just fun hanging out with my sisters and denise.  Bri loves me more and more every day lmao..bless her heart they got 2 hours or sleep the night

Im thinking of you DD

*whatever you need im here*: Richard
now im happy...

Happy Mothers Day [11 May 2008|08:30pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Happy Mothers Day to everyone!  Happy Mothers Day to my sisters!! Bri, Guri and cousin Jen!  Happy mothers day to you guys!  Charity I hope you got home to a clean house which i dont think you have cause its not even 9 yet? lol!  But i hope you enjoyed your day out..

To my own mommy..happy mothers Day to you.  I wish you were home but you arent..yet.  SHe spent it in the hospital.  I rather have her spend it at the hospital this sunday than it was last Sunday cause of Kyle's confirmation.  But she'll be home sometime monday or heres hoping she sticks it out.  We went all up there for Mothers intervals of course.  everyone went up there excluding Audi and ALex..probably cause of Finals and work for the both of them.

I went up to Iowa with Charity this weekend to celebrate Kayla's wedding shower.  We drove up Friday Night and came back Saturday night considering she didnt wanna drive today since it was Mothers Day.  Everyone was happy yet not wanting us to drive all the way to and from Kansas that way..but if you think about it.  we wouldnt of had the champagne or the egg casserole and that was the main yah.

Last week I emailed Dan because I started thinking about him a lot and dreamt about him throughout the last week..and so i emailed him..gave him a friendship ecard so I know exactly when he reads it/opens it because if I sent him a regular email I usually dont get a response back..but I did get it right away a response.  He is doing fine in Chicago..still doing his job and all of was on C9 for a while aka cloud nine..right Misty?  Anyways im happy..I'll copy and paste his email in the next entry so I can keep a record of it..

[Comments] another one.. [25 Apr 2008|02:54pm]
Well technically its not goodbye..but its a goodbye none the less.  Last Sunday well I didnt say goodbye to him personally..but its still a good bye right?  First it was Miles..then it was Richard and now its Dave..even though he and Lori are still members of the church.  Dave has a new job in i guess he'll be driving back and forth from there to here..but it is a goodbye none the less.  Everyone is leaving me..and yet I think we'll be leaving once Pastor retires in August...but who knows.

Lets see Kyle gets confirmed next cant believe it.  But more bout that next week with everyone gathering to our house to celebrate it.. 

I wanna say Happy Birthday to Lukas, the one that brings sunshine in my life.  My youngest though he is a pain...  He's nine years old today!  Wow how does the time go!  Thanks Lukas for the laughs and the smiles you bring to me every day even drive me crazy...but that craziness that you give me makes me realize that you love me as much as i love you!

In other news..I still am trying for the DL.. Ithink its gonna be in the next week...i know i keep saying that and not doing it..but im pretty sure we'll have it next week if its not a busy week..

Another anniversary..20 years [13 Apr 2008|09:18pm]
well nothing really to report for me in a month that i havent from my last entry. Nothing too much to has changed.  Im still trying to get my drivers license but I think im getting close its a matter of days now maybe im happy about. 

My family is doing good.  Kyle isnt doing track  this year..I dont know if its because of grades or his choice. But thats fine with me because i dont have to see KK..anymore.. Basketball would be the last time I'd see him so its good.  Lukas is good.  Mom's been out of the hospital since I guess November she told Mama P about thats good.  Everyone is doing good.  Addi came over today. Bri was in St.Louis with friends for the weekend so Shannon had her all weekend. LOL..  She learned the word "apple" I dunno if shes said it before or not..but this was the first time i heard her.  She said it clear as day too..

I ate dinner with Mama P and Alison with my mom on Friday @ Hertford house.  It was good seeing her because we havent seen each other in like forever..I think the last time it was at Ren fest..yah that was it was good seeing her.  Shes doing good.  She got me a belated birthday part of one.  My mom and Mama P started talking about condos down in Mazalaten or whatever its we might have two condos down in mexico after this for her and one for ours.

Today was our churches 20 years of being what it is it was something to my dad, lukas and I went.  It was good I guess seeing everyone celebrating the same thing over the years and stuff like that.  Even if half the people who started out there have moved on to other churches and things like that.. There is only a handful of us who were there form the beginning or close to the beginning.  I dont want to get into it or anything but as we celebrate 20 years...I'll have to say goodbye to someone else that I was very close to since New Orleans..and beyond..I gotta say goodbye to him next Sunday at least.  But I dont want to get into it because there gonna still be members I guess he's just not doing the job..but the question would be how often will I be able to see them..

Okay Im gonna go now..ttyl..

Happy Anniversary..well late.. [24 Mar 2008|11:54pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

"What was I doing 12 years ago yesterday now? On the 23rd what was I doing?" My sister asked us all this question when she arrived at our house for Easter.  Well not exactly at the time she said it but on the day?  The answer?  Her wedding..Good God has it been that long?  Has it been 12 years since my sister got married..good god man..thats a long while..  I was in the 4th grade it would seem like it cause my CSG girls and I have been together for 10 and we met in 6th grade so subtract and there ya go 4th  Ahh...i dont really recall much of the wedding exept my cousin and I wore matching the junior bridesmaid and the flower girl.  Alex and Audi were acolytes or whatever they were..Josh and Shannon were I guess groomsmen.  Kyle and Dewey were the ring bearers..

Think about this.  Audrey...nathan and Sydney werent didnt exist or Lukas wasnt in existence yet.  We had both grandparents with us..RIP to them.  Kyle was like 3 years was five if i counted off right.  I just cant imagine way back then..but i can.  It just amazes me how much time has passed doesnt seem real at all..and here Bri and Shannon are about to celebrate there 1 year June. ..time sure flies by when one is having fun...

Happy Anniversary to you Charity and Jeff..I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2 comments| [Comments]

Just updates.. [20 Mar 2008|05:46pm]
[ mood | calm ]

I haven't updated in a while..nothing really new has been happening in the life of me.  Mom and Dad are on their usual vacation this Spring Break hence me watching the boys with Alex the whole week.  Im just glad that its almost over though..but i know when tomorrow and saturday come around its gonna be hard or saturday for sure cause I'll have to entertain Lukas ALL DAY!!! And I dont really wanna do other than that things are good.

Im hoping to go back to Stilwell in the next couple of weeks to observe the kids because last time I went was the thursday before spring break and they basically had a blow off we got to find it. 

Sean is alive and well...even though he is a jerk..and such he is alive and thats good.  I still dont know whats gonna happen to us but if all else fails we will hopefully come back to being friends. He still owes me a cheesecake factory lunch/dinner though..KIK!!!

Speaking of friends...I told misty the other night about Dan..I dont think she knew the whole story..and so I basically told her about his answers and everything..which prompted me to go back to that "THe Great Dan Saga" is over entry today..and I reread it all if not skimmed through it all..and i just gotta say I still love Dan. We have not talked in like forever even though I see him online most of the time..I just leave him be..and I'll email him later on this month or next week or whatever..But I just wanted to say that I clearly DID NOT read everything that was said between Dee and Dan that day..I think I skimmed through the conversation trying to reassure Dee that all is well with the world...but as I reread the entry today..I was like wow..I didnt know this was said and blah blah blah..well..I got the gist of it it wasnt the details i

What is up with the dreams Im having lately..I can not understand why im dreaming about them..I kind of do understtand the one I had of last was basically a KK filled night but dude i shouldnt have dreamt about him..the one person who I shouldnt be is Orr..I dreamt about him two nights ago..and his kid.  I haven't thought bout him in years!!! and yet my sleep carried me to him the other night so im trying to understand it..maybe if I think long and hard I can probably figure out most of it..if i really look it up...

143 Misty
I *heart* DD and Sean
I love my CSG girls!


I *heart* you Eric... [04 Mar 2008|10:58pm]
[ mood | sick ]


I just wanted to personally thank you from the bottom of my heart for tonight.  Even though it sounds stupid and "all crushy girly" like..I just wanted to say you made my night better..and despite all the obstacles that tried to ruin it..I'd say forget about them for one night and concentrate on loving you!  With me being sick with a cold or whatever I have right now..too interrupted emails and Ims from people..I'd still found it enjoyable ignoring those things just for an!  You are a funny guy and definitely not like your character ethan even though i can still see qualities in you for  I could went out of it for a couple of minutes though towards when they were asking you to play "host" my sick mind went bye bye for those five min. or so to a place called who cares and lets read something from ET.NET!! lol..  But my mind came back around after a few minutes and then went back and forth until you said goodbye.  You've done my heart good and probably soo many other "love-sick fools" tonight..and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  If I missed it I would have just knocked myself out for a few days lol..with sick medicine..But Im glad that I heard your voice.  God I dont know why im saying this but your voice reminds me of Miles..or maybe thats the "cold" whose talking to me seriously I just totally relax while you talked and Im glad that i heard you...because its not every day that I can do that "LIVE" that is..

I hope all is well with you and Lisa with those 2 year old twins! Thx again for taking the time out of your busy life to talk! Im blessed to have you as a "crush" or "obsession" or whatever..someone to look up too..not in a brother type person..dude i wont even think about you being related to a really good friend! thats what I will call ya..a good friend who I haven't met and that theres a slim chance to none that I will ever actually meet! 

Talk to ya laterz and see you on screen..and if Passions doesnt go on as planned as of March 28th I wish you the best of luck in whatever you do and i will follow you where-ever your career takes you...


Happy Birthday Milo... [27 Feb 2008|09:42pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]


we hare at it again aren't we?  I know this has been a yearly thing for me, but I think its gonna have to stop.  i dont really even feel like writing this entry to you anymore  than I want too ya know.  Its tied.  i want to write you this and another part of me doesnt.  Just because I know you have a myspace page and your completely freaking ignoring me. This isn't a heart-warming entry that I've done for the past three years but its a different one.   But since im a nice person and I dont forget about you by all means..Happy Birthday to you! Happy 31!  ANd no I did not do the math.. Ichecked your freakin myspace page..which I tried to get in three times!  BUt you've rejected me three times so yah..l

Happy Birthday! Hope you have had a good one!

love me


Saying Farewell.. [21 Feb 2008|07:54pm]
[ mood | thankful ]

After ten long years I have decided officially to say goodbye to one of my closest friends.  I have decided this was it because there is no reason for me to see him anymore.  I have dreamt about this day and kind of dreaded this time.  Because i knew there was still a chance for us to see each other again..but now its a slim to chance and im okay with that.

I'm saying goodbye to a teacher that has been a part of my life for now ten years.. I had him in 8th grade and our class was the first one he taught at the middle school.  i knew i would see him again though after that last year, because i had three younger it was something I looked forward too, and now that its coming to a close and like I mentioned to him Kyle would be the last so I'm not ever gonna be able to step foot at BVMS again without a really good reason too..

I would say that we were close as close as teacher and student would be..nothing more nothing less.  Face it i was a teachers pet and now I'm not proud of it now..but it was good to an extent.

Anyways I saw KK this week. Tuesday and Thursday. well actually I saw him the week before but a glance cause he seemed in a hurry but we talked a little bit tuesday and i promised him I be there Thursday so I talked to him during halftime today.  We basically talked about me and my family and how i should be graduated by now..or close enough..but yah thats the jist of it.  We hugged tuesday I think twice he punched me once..Tuesday though he was so freakin' excited to see me and today it was like wow your back  But we talked some..not that I liked it.  He was doing score-keeping and so there was other commotion going on anyways..

The last time I saw him was 5 years ago..Alison and I went to go meet our old teachers cause we decided i met up with KK as she met up with Banker.  And yah it was fun doing that..and so after 5 years we are at where i am today..and after today I think today was a stretch for me to talk to him..because I felt like i really disappointed him..and last night or the other night I literally tossed and turned in bed thinking about all of that..and sort of laughed about it...but deep down I think i did disappoint him. I dont know why i felt or feel that way but it does and it hurts kind of seeing everyone else around me succeed and me not succeeding at all.

Im making this official because like i said Kyle will be the last cardinal..and basketball season is almost over one more game at the highschool to go. But yah know.  i think its time...I think its time to finally let go of my middle school life sense Kyle is leaving it in May..I feel like i need too...there will be no reason to return to it once he's gone anyways..unless its from my own will power to wanna see KK...again or Pritchard for that matter..damn it where is GAGS when we need him!!! lol..grr..havent seen him maybe theres one more reason..but seriously im gonna have to say goodbye to him now..and officially in may..because I know as of right now there is 99% sure I wont be seeing him after today..well thats not including monday when he and Pritchard will be at the highschool for there last game against PSMS.  and KK was right though he emailed me freshman year to tell me that i needed to move on and forget wahts happening there and move forward and thats what I let me move forward now..after May...i will be gone from his life forever..scary thought but its true...its time to say goodbye to one very special person in my life who i have seen several times i would say over the past ten KK goodbye..

PS..please god look after him..I overheard that his knee has been hurting him..and I just want you to keep him safe and sound..and heal his knee..
Songs during the entry
My Little Girl-Tim
Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol
All I have to give-BSB
Feels Like Home-Chantel
If Your Not The One-Daniel Bedington


Happy Valentines Day [14 Feb 2008|09:18pm]
well i didnt get much for V-day.  Stole some of Lukas's candies that he money from the parents.  I went to Kyles game and despite the halftime of a score to 7 to 8 they actually came on top with a score  No KK or Pritchard they didn't get back in time and the game started like at 430 or something like that..were always late..lmao..  Went to babysit 5 kids today i was five or maybe lost count..but it was pretty easy..I sat them down and we watched Snow Buddies...and week they will be able to see if they stay..cause the other B teams are Kyle is at home the rest of the yah..

Its a remembarane of DD today..I sent him a e-card and he opened it today and read it..and it said something about me remembering the year that we started our friendship.  I gave him a rose one just as a reminder. 

But I hope everyoen had a good Valentiens Day... I sure i hope everyone else did..

Going back into time.. [08 Feb 2008|10:16pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Well lets start of this entry with thanks dad for a great birthday present..even though it was YOUR birthday today.  I got the car...its a 2004 im all i got to do is get my DL but my parents are definitely gonna make me work for it this week so the following week I can actually try for cross your fingers for that..

I went back to school today to just visit with the principal of my elementary school.  We know the principal now from Stilwell Elementary School, and so my mom thought it a great oppurtunity for me to see what a classroom setting would care for..and for experience wise.  But anyways nothing has really changed in that school and yet everything.  IT hasn't changed since I last been in it because Nicole and I went in there i think junior year or something like that working for the carnival..whatever year Sarah was there it has changed A whole lot since I was in school it grew on me and I told Mrs. Devuyst that..I know I probably butchered her name..but oh well..she helped me out a lot making sure i knew the application process and then letting me come back to observe some of the classrooms..

Let me just say and Mrs. Armer are still there..I thought they would be retired by now..God..they were old when I was in elementary school it looked they recognized me at the end of our little meeting which was kind of scary in itself..and I saw Mrs. Griffen also and she recognized then someone else recognized me that i didnt know who it was..but apparently the speech person. Mrs. Lavery has retired finally and they named the gym after her so i guess that was good.  Everything looked pretty much the same but bigger expansion..but its all

The memories..aww..and I do remember I have also stepped into the middle school..but I've been there non-stop since Kyle turned into a 7th grader so it wasn't much of a shock on how it changed.  Nothing really has changed in that school well except the decorations or whatever..on the walls for some parts..but yah.  Im going back there Tuesday cause Kyle has a home game..and fortunately I won't really be seeing KK and Pritchard cause there I might just miss them unless our game runs longer than the away yah..I do wanna see them both though, but not really at the same time.. Its not like i haven't seen them since I was in middle school cause i have.. I met up with Pritchard and KK at the beginning of senior year Neko-chan and i went to the school to see them..cause we are such!! 

But thats bascially it..for now.  Dad and I gotta go to the bank to do the paperwork..and i gotta pay half for my


Nothing special.... [07 Feb 2008|10:22pm]
[ mood | calm ]

This is a pointless entry so you can skip if ya want..
Alrighty..where to start where to start on this entry?  Do I want to do this entry or not?  What should I say in it?  Who should I mention in this journal entry?  Why am I actually doing this entry to begin with?

Well I cant really answer those questions except for the last one.  Because I questioned myself for a half hour to an hour of my time tonight what to type. 

Misty and I talked again tonight(wow what a shocker there) anyways  Valentines Day came up out of the blue. So my first guess send them to my friends right?  To Sean right? NO!! That wasn't my first person who I thought about.  I don't know how it all came up. But I told her I needed to send one to Dan this year. 

Wow where did that come from? Dan? Dan who?  Who the hell is Dan?  Yes, I wanted to send one to Dan..but the question is the perfect one..the perfect card what would it be?  what would it look like? what kind of card would you want?  A friendship card? An I love you card? A kisses card? A Hug card? What kind of card would be perfect for Dan and I's relationship right now? 

Well im not too stupid or an idiot to think that he loves me and that were together..cause we are not..and he doesn't love me and yes I have moved on for that..but I wanted it to symbolized what happened five years ago in highschool.  I wanted it to have a rose.  So yes I chose one with a rose..

But the hardest thing wasn't finding the site for the card?  Or picking fo the card because I did have a picture of what I wanted on it?  No...the hardest thing for me was the writing the message part of it.  I didnt know what the hell I was going to say to him.  I didnt know.  I usually always have something to say to him after a few minutes of thinking.  But no..that didnt happen.

I sat down at my laptop starring at my screen for a few minutes while Misty kept on texting me..God bless her I love her.  I then decided I needed music so I turned on the itunes on my computer and started listening to music..and after a few minutes of that..I finally told misty.  Im like Im stuck.  i have no freakin' clue what to say to him...I even told misty this and shes like do you need help with the words?  I told her no because I wanted it to be in my own words and her helping me out it would just be her words.  shes soo good with words its she is a great email writer or whatever haha!! 143 misty..haha

Anyways I then told her after a few just give me 5-10min. to think about what to say. Thinking it would help me I got off the computer(well not exactly but stepped away) and just walked around the room thinking just thinking and listening to George straits two songs that I was listening helping at all if I might add.  So I came back after exactly 10min. and said to misty I have I even told her if it was worth it?  I told her maybe this is a good sign, that I have moved on and I dont really need him anymore.  God was that me saying that?  Yes it was.  I said it. I said maybe I moved on. 

This is the problem with Richard and Miles..I have so moved passed them that I dont really contact any of them...they are so far out of my reach..well Miles isn't but yah..there both at my finger tips; with miles i can contact him by texting him and with Richard i could just send an email to him, but do I do those things anymore?  No I don't. 

Anyways after I said those things to misty..she was like "awww..." and then I figured damn it I wont let this friendship drop..and I said Damn..yes I said Damn..I said damn gonna said this valentines card whether i want to or not..its sort of like a habit.  Misty then gave me an option she was just like just say I hope you have a great Valentines Day..or Have a good Valentines of those.  I seriously laughed I think at that thinking dude that was the easy way out, and thats the cowards way out.

I was this close to using it after 30min. of nothing to write, but then I decided since i didnt write him a January email I could use that information and start wriiting it and combine my January/February/Valentines Day email card. So thats what i did.  It took me half hour to think about what to write and it took 10min. to write it all out and send it.

So why did it take me that long to write?  I usually open up to people while writing? But why did it take that long for me to write it out?  I dont know what..i didnt expect it to take that long?  Oh well its done and its sent even though i realize I missed saying one thing, but that can wait until later on.  Cause I dont know his exact birthday I was gonna send it with the V-day thing but that didnt happen..

Anyways this was a pointless entry i think but its all good..I like pointless entries sometimes, but for those who want to know a point in this it is. 

1. Daddy's Birthday is tomorrow
2. Still no sean
3. A good chance of getting a car tomorrow!! how exciting is that? 2004 plan is to get the car and drive it for a week or something with mom and dad and then try out for the I'll post on how that goes..

love you all..


[20 Jan 2008|12:29pm]
A couple of things can come out of writing this can tell you two things.  That Im really board and that I have nothing to do besides having to update this thing or just really happy and excited or something sad happened...Your choice or mine I think I chose the first one that Im completely bored with myself and that I need to actually update on the life that is mine.

Nothing really new has happened with me from the last time I posted i guess two or three weeks ago.  I still haven't heard from Sean.  Well I have and he's doing okay as far as I know.  He's still working at Cheeseburger in Paradise by the Speedway.  The reason he gave me and its probably true is that his phone is crap and has stopped working and so Im at a stand still here considering he doesnt have a computer on his own.  He informed me this about two weeks ago, but im fine with that.  Cause I haven't found anymore interesting people who are "featured member" on that site that slighty caught my eye.  There are a few I admit thats not featured that has caught my eye, but when you cant do anything else except for "flirt" back and forth to each other it is a pointless thing to do...but since none of them are interesting enough to want to do a monthly fee so I could email them back and forth and vice-versa I'd say not worth it yet considering I still like sean very much...less now but still like. 

I went on a job interview last Friday.  Interview was short which I kind of knew it didn't go next time I have one I know what kind of questions to ask and what to expect kind of.  It was for a position at Valley Park Elementary School to become a para-professional. and I got a good in, but they haven't called and a week has passed so Im gonna think the worse and say I didn't get it.  I know now what to say or do and I'll be less nervous in the next interview when I get one.  Its just the first one. 

I have not been sititng on my butt though this past week let alone sitting by the phone all day waiting for that call. My sister needed me to babysit Nathan and Sydney last week so I went over to her house and hung out for the better part of the week. They are coming over tonight to stay for Monday and Tuesday.

The family got sick with the flu well at least Dewey, Lukas and Sydney did.  Nathan did but it was like once.  So hopefully I dont get sick or anything in the next week ..cause my sister needs me. would it be ironic if i get sick tonight or!! 

Anyways I love you guys!

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